How Your Beard Will Save Your Life

I'm a clean shaven guy.  I always have been.

 My wife hates a "prickly faced" man and she's made that loud and clear over the last 21 years of our marriage.  No reason to grow one has ever truly availed itself.  Even during "Movember," the month of growing mustaches raising awareness for prostate cancer, I've not been all that inclined to let the stubble arise.  It has always been one of those things passed from father-to-son that, "hey, the Nally men are clean shaven." Yes, there is a cleanness and trustworthiness that arises from a man who is clean shaven and well groomed.

Beard World Champion 2013

But once in a while I've wondered, if God made men grow hair on their faces, what use does it have? Is it to keep Norelco and Gillette in business and provide jobs for a growing population of men?  Is it because the the invention of Velcro might cause men further problems?  I've been shaving my five-o'clock shadow off for years.  I'd just like to know what purpose it has.  If I lived in Alaska, I know it'd keep me warmer, but I don't live in Alaska and I don't plan on moving there any time soon. 

After 40 years of wondering, I've finally come across the answer.  While learning to be more "manly" and studying self rescue techniques of falling through the ice I came across the following:

Good advise when crossing the frozen pond or lake, and well received.  

But, THERE IT IS...in box #5.

"Your beard can also freeze onto the ice and save you."

The big daddy reason for a beard.  Wait till I tell my wife. . .